Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg has announced that the world’s most popular social networking site is to introduce a ‘Punch’ option to its users.
This latest feature, that will succeed the creepy, sexual “Poke” is to allow male users to settle disagreements they have on Facebook in a more macho fashion. Users will be given a choice to “punch” another user if they have a disagreement. The user on the receiving end of the punch will be allowed to counter punch and so forth.
Disagreements will ultimately end when one user will eventually get the “killer punch” option which when applied will prevent the losing user from posting for 24 hours, where Facebook will automatically “check them in” to their nearest hospital.
The losing user will also suffer the embarrassment of having all their friends made aware of the incident via a notification appearing on friends newsfeeds and on webtrafficgeeks.com stating said user is “a total gay pansy”. The notification also allows friends to send flowers, get-well cards and criticism.
Dan Dorito, Facebooks President of new features said
“Men clearly need a new way of settling arguments. We’re getting lots of complaints that exchanging naughty names and making empty threats just isn’t cutting the mustard. Not even writing purely in capital letters is good enough anymore. Cyber-Punching each other allows men to fulfil their masculine duty from the relative safety of a keyboard.”
Dorito also stated that this was Facebooks latest move to stamp out real world violence and create world peace.
Chief Superintendent of the Internet Charles Moses, agreed with the unorthodox step…
“We’re hoping that this latest feature will have a positive influence on the number of real fights. I think many of our regular fighters will enjoy the comparative comfort of fighting each other whilst swivelling in wheelie chairs and scoffing Weetabix. They just need to give it a chance.”
Facebook aren’t overlooking their female user base either who will be able to choose from either the “bitch-slap” or “hair pull” options.
And for those fans of the original “Poke” option, fear not since the feature will return later this year but more aptly renamed “Fancy a Fuck?”.