Facebook have announced via their spokesperson this Wednesday that their entire user base will soon have to undergo a basic competency test.
And in a dramatic move, the world’s largest social networking site have stated that those users who either refuse or fail the test will no longer be able to post or share anything from their accounts.
The news comes after the site has been plagued with hundreds of thousands of users sharing unfounded nonsense to their friends ranging from a viral app that asserts installation would prevent facial hair growth to a popular rumour that duped millions into thinking Facebook were installing an “indifferent” button to allow users to show total apathy towards content posted onto the site.
The picture-aided competency test itself is still being fine-tuned, but reported questions include –
“Is Facebook a…
A. social networking site
B. reputable news outlet
“If I had 5 apples and gave 2 away, what colour is a fire engine?”
Reports also indicate that users will have to say “I will not believe everything I see on Facebook” twenty times into their computer microphone, where Facebook’s automated voice detection system will look for signs of sarcasm and deceit.
The initiation of a competency test will, according to Facebook, not only lower the number of rumours spread across the site but should also entirely wipe out online Facebook witchhunts started by users unable to comprehend the words “research” or “evidence”.
Joe Swain, Facebook’s vice-president of marketing, told us –
“Frankly our user base has become increasingly incapable of distinguishing the truth from fantasy. It’s genuinely worrying. Preliminary research suggests that users are no longer just sharing rumours, but they are also sharing stupidity. Their IQ score actually decreases as their sharing volume increases. We have to put a stop to it before they start trying to eat their keyboards.”
Facebook will also remove Facebook Pages created by users who fail the competency test, which is expected to bring the total number of pages currently at 16,000,000 down to a manageable 124, with Justin Bieber and One Direction Fan pages expected to be the hardest hit.
John Pavlov, a Psychology Professor from New York State supports the controversial step taken by Facebook –
“The principle of conditioning suggests that users should learn from their mistakes if we provide them with sufficient negative feedback. However my colleagues have been burnt over 20 times with the same scam and still think they can see who stalks their fucking Facebook pages. It’s ineffable.”
So far the competency test has already rolled out to several hundred users on a trial basis. Henrita Hikkup, who failed the test and has therefore lost all posting capabilities had this to say on the matter –
“[bleep] [bleep] you [bleep] [bleeping] aint no ficko. [bleep]”
The forklift trainer certification tests are expected to roll out to all users before September this year.